Thanks.

First off, sorry for being absent these past few days. It's been rough and I've been EXHAUSTED from working, so I needed some well deserved me time. I never realized how crazy Christmas shoppers were until this year. I mean, I've worked at a toy store for 2 years now, but they've never been this insane.

I'm thankful for these ladies. If it wasn't for them and their unending friendship, I don't know where I'd be.


I'm thankful for nights like these that I never want to end. The nights where the catch phrase circle is awkwardly shaped because there's so many people in Gabe's living room that they have to sit on the floor and on stools just to play.


I'm thankful for my crazy family. We have a lot of fights, but we love each other and that's all that matters.


And I'm thankful for the coming season, Self-expression, Love, God, Crunchy Leaves, My Mom's Chalkboard sign, Wind blowing through my hair, Music, Paint, Scarves... Living.

TayTay

I've become that girl.

The girl that I make fun of.
The girl that I say, "Wow I'm glad I'm not her", when I watch Chick Flicks.
The girl that cries for her friends when this happens to them.
But it never happens to me.
Never.
But now it has.
I'm the girl...
that falls in love with the best friend she'll never have. No matter how much it hurts, how much she wants it to happen, it never will. And there's nothing she can do about it. Nothing.
So no matter how much I hurt and how much I feel my heart break when we touch hands and when we dance in the car. No matter how much he tells me he's never met anyone like me and that I surprise him with something new all the time. No matter how much time we spend together laughing about the most mundane things. No matter how many times I've had the talk with him trying to figure it out. No matter how excited I get when I know I'll see him at church. No matter how I can recite just about every evening we spend together. No matter how many times we've cried from laughing. No matter how much my family loves him and he loves my family. No matter how many times I've cried myself to sleep because I know it'll never happen and yet everyone and myself still hold onto hope. It'll never happen. Never. He likes someone else and always will. I'll never be that other girl... at least not the girl that gets the boy that someone else wanted.

TayTay

Still.

You guys should really listen to this song, as well as Everlasting, on my playlist. They're the most awesome songs and right now they're the only thing I'm hanging onto. I love my Lord and I KNOW he's here with me through everything that's going on and he's going to lead me out on peaceful waters. I just need to stop sitting in the watering hole and stand up and say that I'm not going to take it anymore and walk away from all the crap that Satan has dumped on me. Everything will work itself out in the end for the better. The much better. The much betterness than I ever could have imagined. Africa, Sasha, Nick, My Job, School, My KTS, My relationship with my Mom... It's all going to work out. If I at least try and put as much work into it as God does it'll all be, well, BETTER. I can't take sitting around and waiting for God to strike a lightening bolt in my front yard that says, "Ok, you got your sign, go do something." No, I'm going to start doing something today. Living positively and happily through My Lord. I'm so excited :]

When the oceans rise and thunders roar.
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father you are king over the flood.
I will be still and know you are God.
Find rest my soul.
In Christ alone.
Know his power.
In quietness and trust.

TayTay

Lately.

Everything's been kinda poopy lately. I'm back in a small and managable rut and I need to start getting myself out of it before it gets worse. I'm still trying to figure out school and if I want to be apart of it. Then I'm trying to find somewhere in the church to serve and it's not exactly working out. I'd love to work with the youth, but I don't want people to think that I'm there just because Nick is or that I'm there to cause trouble [let's face it, I wasn't an angel in high school] and that's not something that I want to deal with. I still thrive for Africa, but my parents have made it clear that that's not going to happen anytime soon. My KTS seems to be getting worse and I can't do anything to stop it... I eventually knew it'd start to take over my life. I just didn't think it would be this soon. Friendships are in the dumps and I feel like I only have 2 real relationships right now. I NEED to stop spending so much and save for New York, but I've gotten acustomed to spending like a mad woman that it's going to be hard. Then I gotta lose some weight. That's just a given for all people. But I'll be fine. I'll get through. I always do.
On a happier note:
THIS has been a huge source of fashion inspiration to me lately. They always look so cute and so well put together it makes me want to go vintage shopping and ripping through their closets with jealousy. Even the boys dress cutely :]
#1 Fave
#2 Fave
I hope you'll check it out and like it.

TayTay

Honestly Honesty.

At this point, I could care less what happens. I've fought and said most of what was needed to be said and you were the one that shut down this time. I tried to go out of my defense mechanism and not shut down, but you took care of it for me. Now that I know how it feels to be in the middle of important points to be blatantly ignored, it makes me mad for doing that to anyone... so thanks for that much.
My issue is that you wish to act like nothing's wrong in front of everyone and try to stay as far away from me without it looking completely obvious... but then you skip out on important traditions, like lunch with Kerri and I, because you don't want it to be less that 7 people with us.
I don't feel bad for anything I said. None of it. It was the truth and it needed to come out. And if I hurt you, then I'm sorry for that, but not for the facts being stated.
I'm tired of letting you walk all over me and letting you say the cheap-hit things you say to me. You might say that you didn't mean what you said, but you did at the time, and you KNOW it. Don't lie to the girl that did the same thing all through out high school and then tried to pull it off like it meant something else because, dear, it didn't. You know what you were saying the moment you were saying it... honesty has a way of making itself known at the most inopportune times.
I don't like to talk about "him" with you anymore unless you bring him up because I'm tired of you talking about your "him" every 30 minutes and how you're having issues with both of the "him"s in your life. And since that drives me nuts, I don't like to be a hypocrite and talk about all the real issues going on, so I lie and act like nothing's going on. I really could care less these days what you do with either of those boys. As long as you make the right decision for you then let it be because I'm done trying to help you figure it out.
I really don't have anything else to say other than this whole situation could have been handled much better. Much much better.

TayTay

Saturdays are the best days.

Saturday was so much fun. I don't think I've had that great of a time in a while. I had an intense 5 hour shift that was full of wrapping and crazy customers and their coupons trying to get as many deals as they could. To say it was hectic would be an understatement. Then it was on to cash my check... but when I got to walmart to do so, I had forgotten my I.D. at home. Then it was on to the house to get it. Needless to say I found it in the glove box. I never claimed to be a genius. So by that point my dad just gave me the cash amount for it and let it be.
We were going to see Time Traveler's, but it left the theaters on Thursday and I was pretty mad to say the least. So we decided to see Something About Steve instead. Then I was told how bad the movie was... so we just decided to skip out on the movie. So we went straight to the antique store and poked around. The only thing I found that I wanted [and could possibly afford-that place was ridiculously overpriced] was a batman key chain. haha. I'm a dork. So instead of that, I bought my mom a spoon holder that she wanted and let that be her birthday gift.
By that time I wanted nothing more than to skip Goodwill and go eat considering I hadn't ate anything since about 11 that morning and all it was was a Nutrigrain bar. But we didn't and I'm glad that we went. I got Blue Crush and Love Actually on DVD for $3 a piece!! What a deal. Then we FINALLY ate. Panera Bread is my heart and always will be. My mom and I then tried a couple of their pastries and then I walked down the sidewalk to get a coffee, but it ended up tasting awful and I was mad.
Our last stop was Target, where I was shopping like crazy between calls from Nick telling me to come home so I could go down the street to our friend's house and help them unpack and hangout and trying to keep up with my mom. I got the CUTEST brown owl candle as well as one of those soother candles. I also got a t-shirt and a cute tank/blouse that I'll double as a dress. I also got some more of my obsession- $1 socks. And to top it off I got the A Rocket To The Moon c.d. My weekend was made.
So after all that craziness, I called Nick and went over to our friend's Sally and Andrew's house. They just got a "real" house and it just happens to be down the road from us, which is a huge convenience. I arrived, got a tour, ate some cheesecake, saw a roach, watch Sally and Andrew kill the roach, checked Nick's arm to make sure my clenching marks didn't leave permanent damage, sat on the couch and looked at art, tickled Nick, chased Nick around, laughed a lot, talked about ripping down the fake plastic "stained glass" on their front windows, discussed what would happen to me if I walked home alone at 10 at night, got in Nick's truck, and made my way home. He came in for a bit and hung out and then went on his way home. It was a great day.
Yesterday I got up and skipped church. Nick came over soon after they got out and brought Moe's for us to eat. We hung out and my parents came home from getting groceries and hung out with us until he had to go to the leadership meeting... that of which he was late to. I showered and went to church. Afterwards we all went to Sally and Andrews and ate and started watching Count of Monty Cristo until it was skipping and I demanded we watch something else. So we watched A Nightmare Before Christmas instead. Haha. I fell asleep and Nick took me home.
My weekend was a success.
TayTay

Favorite Things 6

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TayTay

Woot.

I'm going to have a crazy packed weekend, but I can't wait.
I have tonight with the family and then tom morning I work. I have hopes of going to see THIS with my mother and then dinner after.
I'm still heavily weighing on how to design my room. I thought I had it all figured out... but with me and how my mind is always changing about these things, it changed. I wanted yellow walls and blue accents... well yeah. Plain ain't it? So then I got a GREAT idea. Why not draw inspiration from my favorite movie: Marie Antoinette?? Pastels and florals and fun fun fun?? Sounds like an idea.
Today is PAYDAY. Holla!!! I want to dig through Goodwill so badly this weekend. Maybe I can convince my mom to do it with me tom. :]
Lately, I've been trying to sort my life out and get everything figured out. I've gone through all the motions and I'm still stuck. Sometimes I sit and try to pinpoint the part where I got off-track and lost my footing on the path I'm supposed to be going down. But then I just think about how God will always get you back on the road you fell from, and all is well. I've been reevaluating friendships as well and I'm so tired of keeping my feelings to myself. I can be a jerk, but to my friends I try and keep my mouth shut when it comes to how I feel, esspecially about certain situations. And honestly, I'm tired of it. I won't be silent anymore. I'm tired of it. But just say a little prayer for me and that I'll get everything in order and decided before it's too late.
Thanks :]

TayTay

Three.

My dear and adorable baby brother turns 3 today!! It's so exciting, but so sad. He's growing up so fast it's insane. He makes ME feel old. I was 16 when he was born and it was one of the happier days of my life... right up there with when I got my braces off. Haha. Just kidding. It was more important than that.
But it's gonna be a crazy day. I'm going home and then Dad's coming home. We're all going to eat and then taking him to Monkey Joe's [LORD HELP ME NOW]. Then it's home for cake and presents. My parents got him "Up" and a nerf gun. And I am getting him a Mr. Potatohead and Mrs. Potatohead magnetic dressup, as well as a little airplane and some little play animals.
Here's a little trip down memory lane. :]

His second Thanksgiving



His second Christmas


His first Pumpkin Patch.

Trip to Grandmom's.

Graduation.

1st Christmas.

Baby Dedication.

Ain't he a cutie?? Happy Birffday Luke! I love you!

TayTay

I Need.

I need to finish my draft about the Boys Like Girls concert.
I need to stop spending spending spending.
I need to make my final decisions on what my room with be decorated like.
I need to make some changes.
I need to get back to basics.
I need to stick to a schedule.
I need more hours at work.
I need to paint more.
I need to crosstitch my picture.
I need to start saying no more often.
I need to change my bed sheets.
I need more jeans.
I need knee-high socks to wear with my boots.
I need to go to tie-dye rosies and get me some bracelets.
I need to get my hair trimmed.
I need to watch The Time Traveler's Wife.
I need to buy more books to read.
I need a vacation.
I need a lot.

TayTay